I want you to pause and picture in your mind the little girl that you were. Think back to a moment when you felt scared and alone, a time when expectations were high and you weren’t sure what to do.
Is that frightened child thinking about her needs? What would make her feel less scared and more comforted? Is she asking for those needs to be met?
Or is she searching for clues from the grown-ups around her? Desperately trying to figure out what will make them happy with her again. Sacrificing herself and ignoring her fear in order to please the adults surrounding her.
When You Joined the Circus
We learned from a very young age to perform for the grown-ups so that they would be happy with us. We were told how to please those around us in order to be a “good girl” who behaves. We were held to expectations of perfection that, at first, were not our own but someone else’s ideal of who we should be.
As we aged, we took these concepts of pleasing, perfecting and performing as our own and started manipulating and bullying ourselves in harsher ways. The adults around us became our peers, colleagues and partners. But we never stopped trying to please them, even though we were no longer a child.
One day, some of us had children of our own and they were exposed to the same circus act. Perhaps we had become enlightened enough not to ask it of them ourselves, but that didn’t really shield them from the requests of others.
The Spark of Truth Reignites
The sad reality is that your light was diminished long ago by all the pleasing, perfecting and performing. The hope is that at some point in your life, that flame bursts forth again from within. When you feel that spark ignite, there is no turning back.
This is when the journey back to your authentic self begins. You work to peel back layer after layer of life experience and “good behavior” to find that core part of yourself. It is all that is unique, special and wonderful about YOU.
In this place within YOU lives a guiding wisdom as old as time. It is the compass you were born with and it guides you to your purpose in this life; the things, people, places and acts that fulfill you to your core.
We Cannot Journey Alone
The start of the journey can be quite frightening; after all, you’ve had a lot of practice performing in the act of society.
And just because the spark ignited doesn’t mean everyone around you has stopped asking you to perform.
This is where support, understanding and guidance become key resources for navigating the path forward. And it can be found in many different places: therapy, personal coaching, close friends or family.
The trick to finding it comes in tapping back into that inner wisdom—the guiding compass of life—and listening for even the slightest blip that you’re pointed in the right direction.
What Support Means for You
The women I coach come from all walks of life, but share one common dream: they long for and seek the freedom that comes with authenticity.
They long to show the world their true selves, and yet struggle with the fear that comes up when they do.
Having a supportive, understanding partner—someone who holds a sacred space for them without judgement or rules—is often where they get a first glimpse of their messy, creative, loving, amazing self.
And that frightened little girl within? The one who was trained so early on to put herself aside in order to please and perform for others? Well, she finally gets her needs, wants and desires answered. She finds peace and happiness.